


To Hook The Ocean

by cikicuba



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-09 05:51:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20848559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cikicuba/pseuds/cikicuba
Summary: Wonwoo unintentionally keeps crossing path with the owner of the beach house.





	To Hook The Ocean

Wonwoo hates being vulnerable.

He hates not being able to control himself and get it together, especially at times like this when he feels like a floating dust, thoughts empty. For most of the day, the tried to be the denial person that he is, and not thinking of how he just got fired in the middle of the month and got paid less than he was supposed to be getting even after working his pathetic-ass for months.

His ex-workplace is an antique shop where they sell snow globe, picture frame, and any other kinds of cute stuff people usually buy and wraps it with fancy paper so they can give it to someone for a so-called gift. The place is dull and old, owned by a young girl, inherited from her great, great, grandmother and happen obligated (forced) to take care of it when she supposed to be out there, partying.

That came up to the decision to close the shop, as people nowadays didn’t really care so much about the small store in the corner of the town with such old fashioned interior and stuffs.

The problem is no matter how bored he was everytime he had to take care of the customers, he can’t help but feel the invisible bond between him and the place. He recognized all those six days a week standing in the back of the cashier machine, sometimes helping a very old lady searching for a napkin for their grandchild. He recognized spending his days waking up every morning just to be in the place again.

But he guesses that’s the thing about routines; one minute you’re at it, another minute you feel it’s like an endless cycle, and yet when it’s gone you just miss them even more. “I’m so sorry Won, but there’s nothing i can do about it. With the expense i need to prepare to pay the employee and the electricity but still no balance in the income, it's actually quite hard. I can’t compete with all of them.”

Wonwoo knows that. But still, with someone with no degree like him it’s not easy either to find a job that offers decent salary nowadays which makes him become more depressed than ever.

His mom called yesterday, taking the jobless news calmly just like she always did. Sometimes his mom reminds Wonwoo too much of him with all the gentle gesture and how she looks always like she's trying to look at the bright side. But sadly, no, Wonwoo can’t do that right now. He can’t see the bright of anything. There’s just so much black on his life he starting to have a hard time on seeing the future.

“It’s your grandmother’s birthday next week. Why don’t you come and visit us, honey?”

“I can’t mom, i need to get a new job as soon as possible or else i don’t have money to pay for the rent. And if i don’t have a money to pay the rent, i also don’t have money to give you.”

“Who said you obligate to give me money? I’m fine sweety, your father gives me enough already.”

“I know, but still—“

“How about you leave your apartment and come here? It’ll be a groundbreaking for a while. And your sister also will be giving birth in anytime soon, it wouldn’t hurt to come. Who knows you can find something to work here?”

Wonwoo hangs up the call after saying _he’ll think about it_ to his mom. But he guesses that’s just him and his pride again because the next thing happens he found himself looking at his hometown from inside the train, waiting to finally get out after hours being trapped inside.

On another God’s plan, his sister will be giving birth in an hour. His whole family already waiting up in the hospital (all of them, and Jeon family are known with the big family members they have) like the hospital is some kind of picnic ground. But being in the Asian family means he had to deal with the overwhelming and loud voices talking all together at the same time.

“Oh my God, my lovely grandchild! Here, here, my love!”

Despite getting embarrassed by loud voice Wonwoo can’t help but feel warm seeing his Nana after such a long time.

“Hi there, Nana.”

His grandma has this thing when he likes to squish Wonwoo’s head and peck the tip of Wonwoo’s side forehead. And then she started to ask so many questions at once, starting from why did he become so thin, why didn't he come here more often, have you eaten yet, who’s his girlfriend now. And then all of his aunties join the conversation after hearing the _girlfriend_ word. Wonwoo will get so overwhelmed he couldn’t even answer a single question. His mom saves his ass by dragging the family into the cafeteria and leave Wonwoo to talk to his sister.

Seulgi looks pale, that’s exactly how he will describe her as she lay down on the bed, left hand infused. He can see the nervousness peeking through her face, and Wonwoo actually feel nervous as well. He hears a lot of terrifying story about giving birth and imagine the pain his dearest sister will be going through aches his heart to the core. But despite, she smiles anyway. “I heard about the job.”

Wonwoo feels like someone punching him in the guts. “Oh. Yeah, that.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Well... y’know, the usual.”

Seulgi fixes her position on the bed and Wonwoo wishes she didn’t look like she’s in so much pain. “It’s a girl.”

Wonwoo fidgeting on his seat. “I... what?”

“You're soon to be niece, Wonwoo. It’s a girl.”

“Right! Right, right, right...”

“I’m supposed to be getting operated this morning but we’re taking the free insurance so i need to wait a little bit longer.”

It’s sad. It makes him sadder than ever knowing how their family financial issue even affect her sister this way. She supposed to get the prioritize she deserves. She doesn’t need to wait just because the poor people always need to wait a little bit longer. This isn’t fair.

“I’m so sorry about that.”

“No, that’s okay. I want you to be here anyway when our little princess is born.” Wonwoo just smiles. He wants to give his niece something special like a barbie house he always sees everyday but never affords to buy. He wants to give her everything but he wasn’t capable of anything. “You don’t seem in the right mind.”

“I’m okay.”

“Is it because of the job?”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“Seulgi, i’m okay.”

Her sister just exhales, reaching for his brother’s hair. It’s getting longer since the last time they meet. Wonwoo looks at the way she furrowing her eyebrows, probably concern about how pathetic his brother was. Wonwoo suddenly feels a pang on his chest. He suddenly feel empty and useless, he feels like the world crumbles upon his head. And then he just—

“I—I’ll be right back.”

He’s not sure where the feet are taking him, he just needs to get away as far as he can so his family wont see him. He gets into the lift that says ICU just because he feels like it. Maybe a crowded place would do him good. Maybe he just needs to be invisible for a moment.

The place smells like medicine and death and Wonwoo doesn’t usually enjoy both. He takes a seat at one of the benches in the corner of a room, on his right is a glass door leading into an emergency stair. He sits there silently, hands clasped above the thigh. And then he tilts his head backwards, try to not let his eyes watering. He doesn’t usually this weak especially when it comes to crying. He rarely do that, to be exact. But do you ever feel like everything hits you all at once and you just couldn’t bear it no matter how hard you try?

Yeah, that exactly.

Someone joined him out of nowhere. The person just sits there without saying anything, doesn’t even look at Wonwoo for slightly moment. One thing that Wonwoo knows is that he looks extremely tired. He doesn’t have the pale face like Seulgi did, but the dark colour under his eyes tells Wonwoo right away that this person hasn’t slept in days. So, yeah, Wonwoo just lets him. He can’t deal with anything right now anyway.

Both of them sits there in silence for almost thirty minutes. It’s actually funny for anyone that passes by to look at two grown men sitting side by side looking extremely devastated and done with life. But sometimes silence speaks louder than words, and this time the phase applies.

A few minutes later the person beside him fidgets on his position, straightening his body. He inhales deeply, then exhales slowly. After he did that he turns his head to Wonwoo and smile like they’re not just sitting altogether in silence for thirty minutes straight.

“Hi.”

Wonwoo tries to not taken aback by the sudden greetings. “...Hi?”

He chuckles only a bit. The tiredness still hasn’t left his eyes. “Rough day?”

“You could say it like that.”

“Got business in here?”

“Yeah, um,” Wonwoo also straightening his position right away. “Sister about to giving birth.”

“Oh, exciting,” The person really meant it, Wonwoo knows. “Boy or girl?”

“It’s a girl.”

“She’s gonna be a pretty one, then.”

Wonwoo smiles, suddenly can’t wait to hold his princess. “Absolutely.”

“So...” The person had this expression when he doesn’t sure whether he should ask or not and Wonwoo receives that a lot from the people around him. ”Why are you look so blue?”

Now that gets him taken aback. Wonwoo cleared his throat, shifts anxiously to the left and right. He had this weird habit when he’s more easily open towards strangers because he could just leave, he could escape. But right now he just scared. It feels like he would cry a thousand tears the moment he opens his mouth. “It’s complicated.”

The stranger’s lips raises, there’s a shadow of sincerity on his smile. “Take your time.”

“Well...” Wonwoo gulps, feeling nauseous like he’s about to open a pandora box. “I just lose my job, yeah? And i guess i’m not used to being jobless. The fact that i’m here not for the holiday really hits me hard. I hate being useless. Then i just knew my sister had to wait a little bit longer to get into the operation room because apparently we’re poor and had to use that free insurance thingy. And think about how i would survive next month without getting paid? Right, that’s just devastating. And i don’t wanna be here just to be a burden to my parents as we already had so many people to feed. We have a big family, you know.”

The stranger sits there and listen without judging. He knows this fact because he’s an expert on reading people. The person just looks at him, eyebrows furrowing. His expression shows how curious he is, like he’s currently comparing something important.

“That sucks.”

  
Wonwoo wants to laugh. And he laughs right away. Because usually after he throws his word vomit like a few minutes ago people will goes _oh_ _i’m sorry that’s too bad, don’t worry everything’s gonna be okay. _But this person just slaps him with the bittersweet of reality and that’s exactly what he needs. He wasn’t surprised when his eyes gets watering and he just can’t help but letting it out. His cheeks are wet, and he feels like he can’t breathe. Sso much better than keeping it under his throat.

Crying isn’t a solution, but sometimes crying is a sweet escape.

“There you go.” The strangere say, a smile appearing on his feature.

“What do you mean?” He’s kinda embarrassed for not being able to stop the sobbing.

“People cry when they’re frustrated, okay? It’s a basic human feeling.”

“Oh. Okay.” Wonwoo tries to wipe the tears with his sleeve. “What about you, then?”

“Me?” The stranger tilts his head.

“Yeah. You looked like you just got hit by a truck.”

He chuckles, but Wonwoo can’t miss the sadness in his eyes. “My wife just died.”

Wonwoo almost falls from his seat. “You’re—wh—okay. Um? Oh my God i am so, so, sorry.” The stranger shrugs it off like it’s nothing and now Wonwoo’s the one who seem just got hit by a truck. “I’m really did sorry... i shouldn’t blurt about my problem when you clearly had bigger than mine.”

“No, don’t be. I prepared for the worst for almost a little longer than this, you know? I hated seeing her in pain.”

“Do you mind if i... i mean, what happened?”

“Leukemia. But that’s okay, she spent the rest of her days doing everything she wanna do.”

Wonwoo honestly didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t know how to comfort the stranger because that’s honestly beyond him. But this person, he looks so calm and soothed, like he counted everything perfectly inside his head and this is only the execution. He only needs to through the last pace.

“I wish i could help you with something.”

Again, the stranger smiles, and Wonwoo just realized how cute his teeth, and the gold bronze skin of him, and how long his legs are, and the clean-cut brown hair framing his face. “You helped enough.”

Wonwoo excuses himself after getting a text that Seulgi will be on the operating room soon. The stranger just nods in understanding. “Congratulation on being an uncle.”

Wonwoo bites on his lips, suddenly getting shy but quickly gets it away. “Thanks.”

Wonwoo feels someone shaking his body. He tries to kick them away but the person is very persistent on doing violation.

“Get up, asshole.”

Wonwoo knows that voice like the back of his hands, so he pretends to not hear just to annoy him more. He covers his face with the pillow which immediately taken by force anyway. After trying to battle themselves, Wonwoo finally gives up when the person jumps on him and literally sit on his stomach.

“That hurts!”

“Then get the fuck up.”

“Alright, alright!” Wonwoo positioning himself straight and stretch his eyes with his knuckles. “What do you want? And how did you know i’m here?”

“Your grandma making a fuss by telling the entire village that his precious grandchild is here. There’s no chance i would miss it.”

Wonwoo growls. “Why is this village so damn small?”

“That’s because the village’s sucks.”

“Figures.” Now that his eyes is completely open, he can look at his friend more clearly. “Why are you wearing black suit?”

“Got a funeral to attend.”

“...And?”

“And you’re coming with me.”

“Why?”

“Oh, so you prefer to be jobless and miserable inside your room? I’m being a good friend here. Make yourself useful.” That hurts, and Jihoon just know how to splash into the wound.

“You’re mean.”

He shrugs his shoulder, not minding it. “That’s my signature.”

“Dickhead.”

“Mine’s bigger than yours anyway.”

“Oh God i hate you to the bone.” Wonwoo ruffles his own hair in frustration.

It wasn’t hard to find the all-black themed clothes since it’s his closet was about anyway. He couldn’t find any blazer or any other decent clothes for a funeral though, so he goes with a black soft sweater instead. He doesn’t even know who’s funeral this is but Jihoon’s right: he doesn’t wanna be home and being reminded of how miserable he is.

Jihoon goes wordless for the rest of the walk. That’s just his way, Wonwoo knows. He’s been friends with the man for almost his entire childhood it doesn’t even awkward even when they swing side by side without even talking about anything. But it’s been so long since they meet so Wonwoo couldn’t help but ask.

“How are you?”

Jihoon eyeing him from the side. “Dude, affection didn’t suit you.”

“I’m trying to be a decent human being, asshole.”

“Well don’t.”

Wonwoo pushes his friend with his shoulder. “Whose funeral is this anyway? Do i know them?”

“Didn’t think so.”

“Why? I know everyone in here.”

“They just moved here a year ago. I heard it’s because the wife wanted to live near the ocean before she died. Her husband works as a lifeguard, really a nice guy. He cooked for the entire village on the Mayor’s birthday when the old man wasn’t even asked for it.”

Shit, Wonwoo having a bad feeling about this. ”And how do you exactly know about all these? You’ve been busy working in town.”

“I socialized, okay? Not a workaholic bitch like you. Also, i came here at least once a month.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Wonwoo remembered looking at the house when he was a child. A house near the beach, the one with a beautiful wooden interior, connected with a bridge that goes all the way into the light shore. The view from inside is giving you full landscape into the entire beach.

Wonwoo hates the ocean. The ocean is a gigantic and mysterious madness and it’s terrifically insane. Nothing should have that much secret the ocean has. Wonwoo spent the longing night himself watching a video on youtube about how more than eighty percent of the ocean is unmapped, unobserved, and unexplored. Ocean is a scary place that even a scientist cannot figure it out. Being near it always makes him shivers.

The house look more sadder than ever with all the people entering looking like a sad deer wearing all black. He tries to brace himself as well because even until now he didn’t know what should he says to the stranger. At least everyone in the house is glad to meet him and say they were happy that he’s here. Junhui and Soonyoung pats him in the shoulder after their eyes meet, they decided to sit on the balcony where they can see people playing on the beach. The four of them looks so pathetic sitting side by side, sipping on their cigarette. Wonwoo actually quite surprise to see all of them here because it’s not even holiday season yet for them to be here. Wonwoo did ask them about that, and Soonyoung casually said his mom personally called them and told about the whole situation. The three of them decided to take a leave for the entire week.

“You kidding.” Yeah, that’s just... sweet. And Wonwoo didn’t know how to react.

“You don’t believe i just use my chance to spend my holiday here in this dull and old village, just to cheer your pathetic ass up? Yeah, you’re about right.” Says Junhii, letting the smoke out from his nose and ears (being the attention seeker that he was).

“You guys think i’m miserable.” Wonwoo spat, flatly.

“Mmm, you are.” Soonyoung answers casually.

The stranger from the hospital approaching them a few minutes later, giving a warm smile to three of Wonwoo’s friend and a shocking look to Wonwoo himself.

“Hi,” he says, exactly just like when he said it to Wonwoo the other day. “I just wanna say thank you for coming. I haven’t got a chance to say it inside. Sorry.”

Soonyoung tries to reach the man’s shoulder but kinda failed anyway since he had to tiptoe a little bit. “Nah, no worries bro. You okay?”

The man nods his head. “Yeah, i guess?”

“We’re here if you need, y’know, a friend to share.”

He smiles, showing the cute teeth once again. “Alright.” And then switches his eyes to Wonwoo, who’s now unexpectedly getting embarrassed out of nowhere. “You again.” The man says, still smiling.

Wonwoo can see from the tip of his eyes how Soonyoung exaggerating everything by mouthing _you again?_ And Jihoon furrowing his eyebrows while Junhui still casually sipping on his cig.

Wonwoo awkwardly scratches his neck. “Me again.”

“So you’re that Jeon everyone’s been talking about.”

Really, this village. “I’m that Jeon.”

“I see.” He nods in understanding.

They all take the man’s wife into her final resting place. Now that he realized it’s so stupid of him for not knowing his name because his friends being a rude jerk and keep referring him as the lifeguard guy. He couldn’t stop glancing at the tall man though, just to check on him. It’s just so strange for him to be that calm even when he knows it’s going to happen anyway. Why didn’t he cry? Why he looks so peaceful? Wonwoo just couldn’t figure it out.

After it’s done everyone started to leave one by one, including his friends. They ask if Wonwoo wanted to go home but after seeing the man kneeling beside his wife’s grave, he just didn’t have the heart to go. “You guys go ahead okay?” the three of them leave without questioning him furthermore.

Wonwoo still wasn’t sure how he’s planning on approaching the man, but one thing he knows is that he’d never going to have a heart to leave him by himself. He walks there slowly so he wouldn’t disturb the man and his little world. It’s kinda hard for him to see even from afar, moreover when he finally sees the man’s shoulder starting to shake and his hand grips the tombstone tightly like he’s gonna lose it, Wonwoo’s heart aches. He just couldn’t imagine left by the person you promise to be in sickness and in health.

Wonwoo walks a little bit closer and this time the man notices. He wasn't even trying to hide his tears, but he smiling when he sees Wonwoo despite the puffy cheeks and red eyes. “She didn’t even finish her wishlist, you know? We still have plenty to do.”

The man’s voices sounded so pure yet vulnerable like it contains the infinite sadness. Wonwoo finally kneeled beside him, playing a little with the soil. “How old is she?”

“Twenty-six.”

“Damn.”

The man chuckles, wiping a few his tears. “Yeah.”

“You married in such a young age.”

“We married because we didn’t have that much time.”

Wonwoo tilts his head, eyes glared, bewildered. “You knew.”

“I knew.”

“Wow...” Wonwoo gulps, don’t know what to say. “That’s...”

  
The man didn’t say anything in return, but a tiny bitter chuckles releases from his mouth.

“Do you want me to sing for her?” 

“Do you mind?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Wonwoo closes his eyes for a moment, trying to get the feeling. And when he open his eyes he looks at the tombstone, right at the picture of a beautiful woman in her silky blonde hair, cherry lips, and long face.

He breathes deeply.

_If i die young,_

He pauses, listening to the husky echo of his own voice, feeling the lyrics into his bone.

_Bury me in satin,_   
_Lay me down on a bed of roses,_   
_Seek me in the river at dawn,_

His voices getting deep and emotional and so does the man beside him. So for the last lyrics Wonwoo closes his eyes, feeling every fiber of his being.

_Send me away with the words of a love song..._

And the man sobbing beside him, so loud the entire village can hear him. He cries on Wonwoo’s arm, with him constantly patting and comforting him just like his own child. He remembers the man’s word from yesterday, about how crying is a basic human feeling and he shouldn’t be embarrassed because of it. So Wonwoo pats him in the head softly, still hugging him tightly into his arm while whispering, “There you go.”

“_Mingyu_.”

Wonwoo cringes on himself when the name rolls out of his tongue. He’s laying on his bed, the clock ticking exactly at three am. His hand busy catching the small ball his ten years old niece used to play. He trows it into the air, and then catch it, throw it, and catch it again.

“_Mingyu_.” He continues, curious how it would feel for the second time. It wasn’t sweet like honey, or tickles like a butterfly. It’s just a name, electrifying.

Wonwoo then throws the ball for the last time before finally catching and put in on the table, then turn off the lamp to sleep.

He goes to the hospital for the next day to pick Seulgi. He can’t lie but feel excited though, because it’s finally his own sister’s daughter he gets to hold. Despite having a big family on the line, Wonwoo never really experiences having a niece from his own family blood. It’s always his cousin’s child, or cousins of another cousins. Imagine the chaos and headache. But this is Seulgi’s little girl, he couldn’t help but feel proud. After bringing his sister home, he plays with his little princess for the rest of the day (by playing he means silently looking at her sleeping or when Seulgi gives her breastmilk). He got tired and sleepy right away and decided to sleep. He wakes up when it’s almost dinner time, his niece come barging into his room and put a whip cream on his cheeks and then run while laughing out loud. He’s coming down after washing his face and change his clothes.

The living room is a mess. It’s so full of adults talking altogether, children yelling at each other, and babies crying out loud. As much as he’s getting used to it he just want to laugh at how different the situation with his silence apartment, when the only sound he can hear is the water drops from the sink and the news playing on TV. His aunt just came and kisses his cheeks, and then her son high five-ing him while jumping and trying to adjust Wonwoo’s height. It’s cute and Wonwoo kinda misses this.

His mom calls him into the kitchen, asking him to stand there while she packed a bunch of food into the basket. After she’s done with it she asks him to hold it like his life depended on it. “Mom, it’s just food.”

“I know, and it is your job to deliver it safely to Mr. Kim’s house.”

Wonwoo scratches his head confusedly. “Who’s Mr. Kim?”

His mom looking at him like his son just grow a second head. “Didn’t you come to the funeral yesterday?”

Oh.

_OH_.

“You mean Mingyu?”

“That’s right, honey. Now hurry and deliver the food. He needs to eat. Be back immediately, everybody’s waiting for you for dinner.”

“Why is everyone so hooked up on him?”

His mom hits him with an apron. “Ask that again after you knew what he’s been through, alright?”

Wonwoo doesn’t question anything any further.

He can hear the sound of the wave and the salty scent of the ocean even from afar. The road is dark but the pathway into Mingyu’s beach house is still visible. It’s quiet, Wonwoo can only see the dim light. He knocks the door slowly, waiting for an answer. A minute later Mingyu shows up on his door, hand holding a small towel to wipe his hair. The black plain t-shirt he wears pressed tightly into his chest, the white and black pattern of his training for some reason also fit perfectly with his long legs and it somehow doesn’t sit well on Wonwoo’s side.

“Uh, hi.”

Mingyu raises his eyebrow comically, like he doesn’t expect the sudden guest at this hour at all. “Hi!”

“My mom,” He gulps. He doesn’t even know why he gulps. “My mom wants to make sure if you’re eating well.”

_Shit. What?_

Mingyu smiles, looking at the basket Wonwoo carried on his hand. “I assume that’s the food.”

Wonwoo awkwardly raises the basket into the air. “This is the food.”

“Have you eaten yet?”

“Me? No. I mean, not yet. She told me to deliver this quick so i can head home and eat together with them.”

“Ah, i see.” Mingyu opens the door a little bit wider and Wonwoo can see how empty the house is. He can see a bowl of rice and kimchi on the table, sitting so lonely. His house are warm. It was packed, barely any room to seat, but it’s never quiet. Never. There’s always a sound of his Nana laughing over a funny sitcom she likes to watch on the TV, his dad playing chess with his uncle, his nieces running around the hallway, it feels like a holiday. It feels like Chrismast always comes early, a gingerbread freshly baked from the oven. It’s home.

“Can i use your phone?”

“My phone?”

“Yeah?”

“Uh, sure?” Mingyu initiates Wonwoo to come inside and sit while he grabs his phone.

Wonwoo looks at the entire house anxiously because it’s seriously dead silence in here. Mingyu comes out from inside his room and hands the phone to him, he takes and immediately dials his house’s number. Someone only answers after the fifth rings and it’s probably due to the loud sound of people. But thank God someone pick it up.

“_Mom? It’s Wonwoo. Yeah, Wonwoo your son, how many Wonwoo did you know anyway? Okay, sorry. Okay mom i heard you the first time. I’m using Mingyu’s phone so please stop talking and let me do it instead. Eat without me, okay? I’m gonna eat here. Yeah mom, by here i mean in Mingyu’s house. Okay. Yeah. Alright. Mom? Stop talking_.” Mingyu laughs in front of him, overwhelmed with what just happened. “_I’m gonna hang up okay? Happy eating. Bye_.”

Mingyu laughs once more. It’s better than silence. “It must be chaos over there.”

Wonwoo exhales. “You wouldn’t know.”

They eat while talking about fun subjects like the love-hate relationship Wonwoo had with the ocean. Mingyu strongly disagrees with that. His arguments consist all the blabbering about how the ocean is the lifeblood of Earth, covering more than the 70 percent of the planet’s surface and has been a vital source of the sustenance, transport, commerce, growth and inspiration and thus Wonwoo shouldn’t hate it.

“I didn’t hate it, Mingyu. I’m scared of it.”

“What do you scared of?” He whines. He deadass _whines_.

“Well first of all, i’m scared by the idea of not breathing.”

“You mean you can’t swim and you’re afraid you’ll drown.”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes. “Same thing. Anyway, that’s first. Second, it’s deep and scary. Do you know that if you took the highest point on land and submerged it, you would still have more than a mile between you and the deepest point in the ocean? That’s sick. And do you know that if you tipped Mt. Everest into the Mariana Trench which is the ocean’s deepest trenches, its summit would reach down to 29,029 feet? That still doesn’t compare to the deepest crewed mission in history—the Deep Sea Challenger Mission that successfully descended to the lowest point on Earth at a record 35,797 feet below the surface. That’s what? Right, _INSANE_.”

Mingyu casually chews on his kimchi. “That is such a big geek energy.”

“I do my research, okay?”

The tall man chuckles while shaking his head. “In conclusion, you hate the ocean because it’s deep, and you’re having a trust issue on the idea of being safe near it.”

“Well i wouldn’t say it like that, though...” Wonwoo awkwardly cleared his throat.

“What about singing?”

“What about it?”

“Well what you did at the funeral yesterday was beautiful.”

“You mean when i wipe the tears from your ugly face?”

Mingyu pouts his lips. “You’re only being nice to me when i’m sad.”

“Excuse me, i did not.”

“Yes you are.”

“Fine,” Wonwoo stabs his fork into the eggroll. “What do i need to do to prove that your statement is wrong?”

Mingyu tries to thinks of something, still with his pouty lips and his fang teeth cutely chewing his lips. “Do you play the guitar?”

Wonwoo does, way back in high school. He doesn’t own one though, but sometimes Jihoon would randomly bring his to the school. If someone asks him to play right now he absolutely will look so dumb for forgetting so many things. But he desperately in a need to keep up his pride in front of this man. “I guess.”

“Play something for me, then.”

“Do you even own a guitar here?”

“Yeah, my wife played.”

The sudden brought of the topic made Wonwoo fidgeting on his seat, but Mingyu looks like he doesn’t mind at all.

Well, he can figure something to play, maybe.

He tunes in the guitar, trying to remember every possible thing he can remember about the damn thing. But he’s having a hard time of choosing the song to sing. He can’t sing a corny love song when the lyrics goes how couples promise to be there for each other and all that crap. Mingyu just lose his damn wife, for God’s sake. Okay. Alright. He can do this. He can pick up a song.

_Please, don’t see just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies,  
Please, see me reaching out for someone i can’t see,_

Mingyu smiles, the tip of his lips almost reach the ears. “Lost Stars? Smart move.”

The cheekiness on Mingyu’s cheeks made Wonwoo suddenly wanted to step ahead and pinch it. He grabs the guitar tighter and shrugs his shoulder. “I like a song that brings positivity.”

“I see.” Mingyu nods. Wonwoo continues to tune it slowly.

_Take my hand let’s see where we wake up tomorrow,_   
_ Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand,  
I’d be damned—_

“Wait, what was the lyrics again?” Wonwoo chuckles, eyes looking at the ceiling as if it would tell him the answer. And then he hears Mingyu’s husky voices filling the air.

_I’d be damned Cupid’s demanding back his arrow,_   
_ So let’s get drunk... On our tears... and..._   
_ God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young?  
It’s hunting season and the lambs are on the run, searching for meaning,_

_But are we all lost stars? Tryin’ to light up the dark?_

The tall man stops singing and make Wonwoo’s finger fidgeting on the string. “Why did you stop?”

“You’re right, it’s a good song.”

Wonwoo sits there in silence, trying to look anywhere except Mingyu’s eyes. “Can i ask you a question?”

“If i say no, what would you do?”

“I—“

“I’m kidding, Wonwoo. Ask away.”

Wonwoo glared his eyes before voicing his mind. “Why are you still here? I mean... it’ll be easier to go to the place where it won’t remind you of her, right?”

Mingyu smiles, but not a single person on this planet would miss how tired and sad he looks. “Yeah, you’re right. Everything about this place reminded me of her. But i—damn, i don’t know? I don’t wanna leave our memories alone.”

The atmosphere turned blue out of sudden and Wonwoo feels trapped. He feels trapped but he couldn’t go. There’s this urge on his chest that doesn’t want to leave the man by himself in this dim and quiet place.

Wonwoo goes home after finished helping Mingyu cleaned the plate. The man clearly not keen on Wonwoo doing dishes but Wonwoo is persistent and Mingyu seems like he doesn’t wanna fight. Wonwoo waves his hand (still awkwardly) in front of the door while holding the empty basket.

“So... goodnight?”

Wonwoo tries to walk away even before Mingyu says anything in return but the tall man is quick and definitely stronger than him. “Hey, Jeon?”

He tries hard to not think about how Mingyu’s palm grips on his arm softly. “Yeah?”

“It’s nice to have a company.”

Wonwoo is contemplated if he should try to hide the pink shadow on his upper cheeks or what to answer. He decided to goes and say whatever on his mind. “I know.”

Wonwoo didn’t see Mingyu for two weeks after that. He tries to not to be upset about it since he was supposed to be spending time with his friends anyway, but he couldn’t find the reason why he needs to be upset. But two weeks is a big deal he couldn’t help but wonder how the man is doing. He’s been working (he tried to) on a lot of things to make himself useful, like being a pro babysitter (changing diapers and be a personal clown) for Hanbyul, or maintaining the house so it wouldn't turned into a wrecked ship. On another occasion where he’s not in the mood to associate with any of his family members he just locked and read inside his room, or called his friends so they can hang out. But that’s a week ago, before they need to go back to the city because they actually have work to do. (yeah, unlike him.)

The village is knowns for its beautiful beach for the people who like to enjoy a non-touristy place. The water is as blue as the sky, they can see beautiful corals through it. The sand is as white as the feather, wave is as loud as the hurricane, and yet it’s quiet and empty. For a small village with the people living here you can count with your fingers, it’s pretty hopeless to find a job here. The only reason why his family isn’t moving anywhere is that they actually owned a home there, where they don’t need to make a big deal of the rent. And also, everything is cheap here. Like you can go to the market thinking you’d only be able to eat rice and vegetables, but you brought home a whole feast. The Jeon’s family needed that. His family needed a miracle like that.

But he guesses putting themselves in the safe zone didn’t always work, their financial problems will always find a way to strikes.

“Fifty thousand won! Who the hell pay fifty thousand won for a medicine?”

Seulgi and her husband just got home after the weekly check-up to see if there’s any problem with the stitches on her stomach. And then Seulgi is kinda crying and her husband looked like his head is gonna combust in any second. Wonwoo cannot do anything except sitting there and listen.

“She needs the medicine.” Her husband spats again, calmly this time.

Wonwoo is usually a passive person. Like he would sit there listening to someone vomiting words and he would just sit like a statue. But ever since he hugged Mingyu the other day, he always wanted to give comfort to the people who need it. “I know. We’ll find away.”

“I could borrow it from the mayor, i guess?” For once the man’s features reflecting a hope, but turned blue once Wonwoo gives him the look. “We already did that last week, didn’t we?”

“Yeah...” Wonwoo wants to punch something. He really wants to punch something for not being able to help his own family. But the money he had on his bank account at the moment only enough to support himself until next month. He doesn’t wanna burden anyone to support his life as well so he needs the money to stay that way.

He decided to go out because he refused to see Seulgi cries any harder than that. No particular direction though, maybe he just goes wherever the legs bring him. The thing is, he doesn’t want to meet anyone in the village who will question him about his niece when his family is the last thing he wanted to talk about. He needs somewhere quiet, somewhere he can be invisible, somewhere he can be gone.

Okay, yeah, maybe he can forget his personal preference about hating the beach for once and actually go there.

When he was there, only a couple of teenagers are getting ready to go snorkelling. And then he sees a familiar figure, wearing only a black swimsuit. His body is extremely well-built, his legs is extremely long, his face is extremely handsome, and everything about him is just... _just..._ extremely breathtaking.

Wonwoo approaching him after he’s done helping the teenagers out. He furrows his eyebrows when he sees Wonwoo and after a while Wonwoo quite catches the gesture the tall man always does when he sees him. “So you really the lifeguard guy.”

Mingyu’s white and cute teeth showing and Wonwoo suddenly having the urge needs to look away. “I’m what?”

“You protect people so they won’t drown.”

“I protect people so they won’t drown.” Mingyu repeats, head nods a little.

Wonwoo’s eyes betrayed him by not going into any direction except Mingyu’s chest. It’s embarrassing and shameless and harassing but he can’t. He just can’t control it. Mingyu’s skin is really a mixture of exotic gold bronze that suits his fluffy brown hair and handsome features and it was nothing compared to his skinny and unhealthy lanky ass. Wonwoo feels like there are much to appreciate of Mingyu more than his own self and that’s just sad, because he really needs a self-esteem injection right now.

Mingyu notices that, of course. He notices the stare, the little sigh leaving Wonwoo’s mouth, and how much he’s holding himself in the place. “Uh, sorry. My t-shirt was wet and i’m too lazy to walk home and grab a clean one.”

“No, no, no! That’s—“ Wonwoo moves his stare into the ocean, trying to get it together. “I don’t mind.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely.”

Mingyu chuckles. “Alright then."

“Do you mind if i, um, being here? It kinda suffocated at home.”

“Of course? Why do you need to ask?”

“I don’t know... Wherever i go nowadays i feel like an intruder. I... i don’t wanna be a burden to you.”

Mingyu reaches both of Wonwoo’s upper arm and smiling at him. “You’re not, okay? You can stay as long as you want.”

Wonwoo nods, internally trembles and kinda wants to cry. “Okay.”

So Wonwoo stays there, sitting alone in the sand while looking at Mingyu from afar. Mingyu is, so far by observation, is very genuine kind towards anyone. There’s this little boy who’s afraid getting into the boat with his parents and it was terrifying to see him sobbing in the sand. But Mingyu gently kneeled down with him and show him the seastar bracelet around his wrist, and told the boy that he can have the same thing it if he dives deep enough. The boy’s face turned bright afterwards. How did he manage to be that nice to people, Wonwoo doesn’t know. He doesn’t even know how to erase the resting-bitch out of his face.

Wonwoo plays with the sand as he gets bored. Randomly draw something or write his own name until the water washes it away, and write it again and again. He did it without paying any mind, eyes wandering to the clouds. He jumped on his seat once he hears Mingyu’s voice so close to his ear.

“My name?”

Wonwoo looks up just to see how close Mingyu’s lips to his. “Huh?”

“You wrote my name.” The tall man’s eyes pointing at his finger on the sand, smirking.

“I—“ And it’s finally sinking down into the realization. Wonwoo stands up, absolutely shocked with himself. “I’m not. I—I mean i didn’t realize.”

Mingyu sits himself on the sand, palms holding himself from the back. “You got me on your mind.”

“What? I’m not!”

The tall man laughs, head threw behind. “What got you thinkin’?”

Wonwoo put his hands on his waist, grunting. “Excuse me, i said i’m not.”

“That’s alright, Wonwoo. Come and sit with me.”

Wonwoo did, while still keeping the grunts on the tip of his tongue. He tilts his head to see Mingyu’s firm feature and how he closes his eyes so peacefully. “I wanna know how you’re holding up.” He finally spat.

“That’s so nice of you.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“What do you wanna hear?”

“Are you alright?”

The tall man exhales, hands fiddling the sand. “It’s a little bit lonely, you know? Usually i always occupied with something. Prepared her food and medicine, helped her get into the bathroom., read her books, and sat with her in the balcony. Just us and the warm tea, looking through the horizon. And now that i don’t need to do that anymore i’m just... i don’t know, _lost_. Like i needed someone to guide me on what to do because i swear i’m standing in my living room and my body’s asking me where should i take them but i didn’t have the answer.”

Wonwoo puts his head down because of course it’s hard for the man to holding up. He’s been wondering about that for two weeks when he had the answer already. “How long have you been with her?”

“Since college,” A smile starts tugging on the tall man’s lips. “She ignored all my effort to get close to her and i was sitting on my room thinking that she’s mean, when the truth is she just didn’t wanna break my heart ‘cause she knew she ain’t gonna lasted long. She told me the truth of course, and i said to her i’d gladly be the fool of our lifetime. And that’s it. We got married after graduated, but yeah, she got worse after that. We didn’t even have time to go on a honeymoon.”

How did someone willing to go through something like that? This is why Wonwoo hates love. He hates being stupid in the name of love. Aren’t we supposed to respect ourselves by making yourself get the best of it all? Why shouldn’t we take shortcuts to find happiness? Aren’t we all equal in God’s point of view?

“You think i’m stupid.” Mingyu continues, there’s an acknowledgement on his voice, like he gets people accusing him so all the time and that makes Wonwoo feel bad about everything.

“I just—I didn’t understand why.”

The tall man nods, clasping his palm in front of his legs after bringing it up to his chest. “Sacrifice? Because i care about her so i sacrificed. Sometimes people misleading it as something harmful because that means we’re the one who gives. But it didn’t sit like that to me. I was happy with her and that’s enough reason for me to go all the way.”

Wonwoo can’t beat that. This man is too good to be true and now Wonwoo is scared. He scared there’s a part of him that will fall and it’s gonna be hard to pick up the pieces. But as he said before, he can’t. He can’t help but wanted to get involved. “Do you still keep her wishlist?”

“What?”

“You said she didn’t even finish her wishlist.”

“Oh. Yeah. Of course im keeping it.”

“What,” Again, Wonwoo gulps. “What did she wanna do?”

“She... Uh, wanted to swim on the ocean. Well of course she can’t do that because her doctor clearly prohibited her to. So the list never crosschecked. And never will.”

Wonwoo nods. “Alright.”

“What do you mean, ‘alright’?”

Wonwoo gets up once again, opening his t-shirt and put it on the sand. “Let’s swim.”

Mingyu looks at him like he just loses his mind. “You said you’re scared of it.”

“Yeah but you’re with me, right? You’re gonna be there when something happen.”

The tall man’s laugh sounded more like a depressed one. “Wonwoo, why are you doing this?”

“I can do the thing she wasn’t able to. And i... I want you to feel her presence? Through me.”

“That’s insane. You’re insane.”

“I know,” Wonwoo tries to breathe calmly. “I know. But i’m not exactly in the right mind because i’m jobless and my big family is having a complicated financial issue, and you’re a young man who just loses his wife and cannot leave this shitty place because you didn’t wanna leave her memories either. In theory, we’re equal. And we both needed a distraction.”

Mingyu stands up and put his hands on the waist, head hanging down while thinking. He got unbelievable laughs all over his place like he’s having a hard time to proceed with everything which is not entirely wrong. But then a few second later he looks up and gives Wonwoo the ok sign.

Then Wonwoo walks slowly into the water. As much as he trembles his body while walking on the sand, he cannot let Mingyu sees that. God, he couldn’t remember when was the last time he volunteered himself to get into the water. Not even when his previous workplace decided to throw an employee days out and brought them all to the beach. He always scared of something deep and watery. It makes him see things, like how is it possible for himself to slipped and drown forever. His entire body is in pain in no reason, and that’s just enough excuses for himself to stepped down. But he didn’t.

“Hey, Mingyu?”

“Yeah?” The tall man storms his way beside Wonwoo.

“You’re gonna be there to hold me, right?”

He didn’t answer right away, but he can feel the warmness of Mingyu’s finger intertwining with him. “Of course.”

The water is freezing. A thousand invisible knives stabbing through his body and Wonwoo is about to explode his head. But as soon as he sees Mingyu’s face right in front of him his body decided to become numb all of sudden. They’re going deep until only their heads are visible, Wonwoo’s heart falling deep down into the pit of his stomach.

“You okay?” Mingyu asks.

“Steady.”

The man chuckles. “She will love this.”

“She will?”

“Yeah. She likes to swim.”

“I can’t swim.” Wonwoo pouts, and Mingyu laughs at it.

“Didn’t ask you to.” Mingyu splashed water tho the man in front of him just to break the tension. ”How’s your niece?”

“Incredible. I didn’t know something so small can be that precious.”

Mingyu hums. “Did she cry a lot?”

”Only when thirsty. But other than that she’s a good girl. One time i’m in the middle of changing her diaper and she decided to take a piss on me.”

“Mhm, a good girl indeed.” A histerical laugh leave Mingyu’s mouth. ”This wasn’t so bad, right?”

“I guess.” But then suddenly he feels Mingyu’s hand leaving him slowly and he can’t help but panicking, teeth gritted. “Do not. Let go of me.”

“I think something is moving below.”

“Shut up.”

“Maybe it’s the shark. They often come by the beach to visit the human world. Oh! Maybe a Piranha? I heard they can sense human presence.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Alright, alright.” Mingyu laughs while pulling him out of the water. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Wonwoo obeyed because he can’t feel his entire body anymore. Mingyu won’t stop laughing at him for all the teeth chattering and trembling body and Wonwoo swears to God he hates the man. The sun already set when both of them run into Mingyu’s house. The owner slams Wonwoo into the bathroom after he’s being stubborn and asked Mingyu to take the first turn.

“I put the clean clothes on the bed, yeah?”

And he hears the door being closed of.

Wonwoo gets out from the bathroom only to find it empty. No trace of Mingyu, but he did put the clean clothes on the bed. Wonwoo ignores the fact that Mingyu’s t-shirt almost reaches his knees and drown his entire body.

Wonwoo tries to look for the owner in the living room but he got zero luck. He tries the kitchen then, and Mingyu is still looking extremely wet, waist guarded by a white towel while casually making a tea and Wonwoo thinks he’s having some breathing problem seeing it.

“Where should i put this?” Wonwoo hands his towel to the man and he’s turning his back while smiling.

“Oh you’re done?”

“I am.”

“No you’re not.” The tall man pulls him closer by the waist, and ruffle Wonwoo’s wet hair with the towel. “You flooding my house.”

“You flooding the house yourself.”

The house owner laughs, hands didn’t leave Wonwoo’s hair yet. “Tea?”

“I’ll wait for you first.”

“If you say so.” He winks and brings the towel with him, along with Wonwoo’s breath.

He waits for the man by sitting in the kitchen, observing every single detail of it like he actually needed to do that. It’s all wooden in here; the cabinet, the kitchen table, the wall, even the spoon and the glass. It makes the house looks warm and soothed. And then Wonwoo sees a picture, pinned in the refrigerator's door. It was Mingyu with his wife, both in their graduation clothes holding a graduation certificate in their hands. They looks so happy and Wonwoo couldn’t help but smile. He can’t imagine if something like this being taken away from him... he’ll die.

Mingyu comes from the bathroom fifteen minutes later, wearing black shorts and a pink hoodie and that looks too cute on him. Wonwoo laughs at the sight, eyeing the man from head to toe. “Someone’s ready for bed.”

He laughs while ruffling his own hair with the towel. “In fact, yeah, i’m dead tired.”

Wonwoo can see that. The man works so hard today and he still gonna have to do that again tomorrow. So Wonwoo stands up from the chair, approaching him near the sink.

“Give me that.”

“What?”

“The towel.”

“I haven’t done yet.”

“I know. Give me that.”

Mingyu hands the lanky man his towel, still with a confused expression drawn all over his face. And then his eyes got bigger as soon as Wonwoo did the exact same thing he did to him. Wonwoo spreads the towel and wraps Mingyu’s hair in it very carefully, trying to make the thing dry faster. His eyes focused on how his fingers massaging the man’s head, but he can’t lie but feel his lung is about to burst. And then Wonwoo’s trying to suicide himself by searching for Mingyu’s eyes, which now looking directly at his own lips. Why would he possibly look at his lips for?

And then the lips start to open. Mingyu’s breath slapping on his face and he smells like mint. Wonwoo puts his hand down, feeling the last strength on his legs to stand. They got so close Wonwoo can see the thin and soft moustache above the man’s lips. The ocean is quiet, like its permitting them to hear each other’s heartbeat.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

Wonwoo’s breath hitched in the air. The world crumbles over his head, the lungs is finally crushed, and he’s about to die in any minute. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

Wonwoo nods so fast he’s gonna break his neck. Tears already closing his vision and he doesn’t even know why he needs to cry. “Yeah, okay.”

“Then why did you cry?”

“No, no, no, it’s not you,” Wonwoo sobs, tears falling on his cheeks. “I was just—I don’t want you to feel lonely, Mingyu.”

Mingyu’s thumb brushes Wonwoo’s lips slowly and he closes his eyes in return. It’s strange, bizarre, almost feel like Wonwoo being tangled into the earth only to look at the beautiful face in front of him, and it’ll never ever get enough. Mingyu’s lips tasted like mint and salt. He smells like the ocean, the outraging waves splashing through him. His tongue is slicked, his mouth his warm, and his lips is as soft as the cloud. Mingyu’s palm cupping his face so carefully like Wonwoo would break if he wasn’t being careful enough. One of his hand going straight down to Wonwoo’s waist to pull him closer eventhough there’s barely any room to do that.

God, it’s been so long since he got kissed by someone and it makes him desperately want this. He wants this with every fiber of his being, he wants this to last forever, and he wants Kim Mingyu for his own.

_Oh crap._

Wonwoo didn’t meet Mingyu for another two weeks after that. No particular reason this time, except that he’s too scared to meet the man. He survived two weeks by doing dishes and help his dad cleaning up the attic and turned it into another room. That’s a great thing actually, since they do need an extra room indeed. The two weeks of hardwork turned into a real masterpiece after Wonwoo looking at it on the bright side. The room is now clean, bright, and a decent place to sleep in. The only thing that left is some colour and he’s volunteering to do the work after succesfully found a paint inside his father’s garrage. 

Painting by himself in the quiet attic do him no good except got him thinking about the kiss. He can’t stop touching his lips every five minutes his mom think he got a sprue. She even offered him some medicine which he refused blatantly and pannickly and got her looking at him like she’s regreting having such a weird son.

The only exciting thing that happened through the day is the sudden raging of footstep walking into the attic. To Wonwoo’s surprise, three familiar faces peeking inside the room and Wonwoo didn’t know he would be this happy just to see his friends.

“Hey asshole.” Jihoon spat, casually throwing himself on the bed. Junhui throws him the look that says _what’s up, _while Soonyoung looking like an old lady struggling to climb the stair. He carried a few plastic bag that looks to fragile to carry whatever it’s been carrying right now.

“We brought you beers.” Soonyoung says, patting his shoulder.

“And cig.” Jihoon adds.

“And weeds.” Junhui talks casually, and Wonwoo eyes turned big. “Chill, it was a joke.”

There are lots of chips. And of course cola—on Jihoon’s order. It’s like a feast in here and Wonwoo isn’t quite sure how they are gonna eat all of this. “Aren’t you guys have work or something?”

“It’s weekend, sillyhead.” Soonyoung already munching on the chips.

“I know. But i mean, you guys coming this far just so you can spend a weekend here and back again on Monday?”

“We need to give you the emotional support you needed the most.”

“What he said.” Jihoon joins, his eyes didn’t even leave his phone.

They talk for hours, about the demonstration near the goverment’s building that’s been going on in the city. The police forbiding so many ways for safety purpose and how it messed up the working pattern cause they can’t even go to work normally. In return Wonwoo tells them about the baby and of course about how Seulgi is struggling to get recovered. Wonwoo also tells them about the attic and any other (boring) activities he’s been doing. He told them everything except Mingyu because he doesn’t keen on sharing. He wants to keep that only for his memories and it should stay that way.

“When are you planning back on the city anyway?” Junhui asks after finishing his first bottle of Vodka.

“Soon. I’ve been emailing my resume to a few company and now waiting for their feedback. But it’s hard, you know? Since i don’t have any degree and never went to college in the first place. God, i swear being alive is hard. Is there anyone knows how to be a sugar baby?”

Soonyoung laughing at him and chokes on his chips. Jihoon gives him the disgusting look and Junhui doesn’t even care if his friend wanted to whoreing theirselves.

And then suddenly he hears his mom making a fuss downstair about someone knocking their door, and then it gets louder as the guest finally entering the house. It’s hard to eavesdrop on who’s his mom been talking to but Soonyoung cracked it for him.

“That must be Mingyu.”

Wonwoo’s eyes widen like a scary little kitten. “What?”

“I invited him. We met on our way here and he said he’ll be there after his work is done.”

“What did you invited him?!”

“Is there a reason why i shouldn’t?”

Wonwoo fidgeting on the ground, panic rushing through his blood. “Soonyoung, i need you to look at my face quickly and tell me what’s there?”

“Uh, lips? Nose? Your very weird eyebrows?”

“That’s not what i meant!”

“Then what do you want me to look at?”

“The messy part!” The footstep is getting closer and Wonwoo is about to throw himself out of the window.

“Well first of all you got paint all over your face. It’s like you draw an LGBT colour and is trying to tell the world how gay you are. And second of all you just ugly in general so don’t bother try.”

Wonwoo growning so loud he’s sure it can wake Hanbyul up. But it’s too late. Mingyu’s head already peeking inside and once again Wonwoo’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.

“Can i join?” The husky voice filling the air.

“Sure, bro. Come on in!”

Mingyu goes to high five-ing his friends one by one before finally meeting his eyes. Wonwoo can’t decipher the gaze the man gave him but he’s sure he doesn’t wanna know because Mingyu just looks... sad. It’s like the man trying to tell him something but at the same time he doesn’t wanna do it.

Well it goes like this right now: Wonwoo is trying to ignore the man as his best. Pulling himself from the conversation, and spacing out a lot. Why? Why did Mingyu had to looked at him like that? Is he regreting what they did the last time? Or did Wonwoo do something wrong that offended him? But they didn’t even meet at all in two weeks!

He wanted to ask a lot of things. Did he sleep and eat well? How’s work? What’s with the sad face? Does he still feel lonely?

“I’m leaving tomorrow night.”

“Really? What’s with the sudden rush?” Jihoon responds.

“I need to return soon as possible, my work in town has been abandoned for too long.”

“Yeah. I know man, good for you. I think you’ve done enough in here. Let’s get yourself out of this miserable place.”

Mingyu smiling at the small man before his gaze move into Wonwoo. And that’s it. That’s the answer of the sadness on his eyes, and everything that goes within. He doesn’t need to explain further because this is enough at it is. Wonwoo needs to remind himself that sometimes it’s better for the truth to stay hidden.

Everything turned into a complete silence after that. Well, at least in Wonwoo’s little own world. He excuses himself out a few minutes later, saying that he forgot his dad needs him to fix the sink. The sink is okay, what’s not okay is his heart, which now feels like it being ripped out. He can’t do anything about it though, because honestly this is just him getting an absolute mental breakdown after getting one kiss. And maybe he reads too much into things and turns out it’s all missplaced. And the worst thing about it is he doesn’t even know who to blame, or who to tell, or how to cope, and— fuck, he loves him.

So he fix the sink. Even if there are absolutely no wrong with it.

He doesn’t come back upstair. The living room is crowded with his cousins playing on some Monopoly bowrd. Everybody expected him to join but he’s really not in the mood so he goes straight into his room, avoiding all eyes on him. He fall asleep afterwards, woke up only because someone knocking on his door.

It’s Mingyu’s head peeking through the door.

Wonwoo sits up straight as fast as the lightning flash and ended up knocking his head. “Ow! Jesus!” Mingyu laughs at that. Wonwoo hates when Mingyu laughs at him, but he kinda find it heartwarming as well. He still doesn’t know what to prioritize.

“You let your friends finishing the drink all by themselves and now they were a drunken mess.”

“Happened all the time.” Wonwoo shrughs his shoulder. “Where are they?”

“Home.”

“And why are you still here?”

“I wanted to check up on you first.”

_Heart please don’t flutters... Heart please don’t flutters... Heart please don’t—_ “Okay.”

“Can i come in?”

_You can’t_. “Sure.”

Mingyu observing his room like he geneuine care about what’s in there and it gets him confused. But he lets the man with his own little world while he tries to calm down his heart. For what, he doesn’t know. Lately he doesn’t even know what he actually want anymore.

“What’s with the One Direction poster?” Mingyu smiks, and Wonwoo’s trying hard to defend himself.

“That’s not me.”

“I believe you.” The tall man still smirking.

“It’s really not me.”

“I said i believe you.”

Wonwoo exhales, getting himself up from the bed and forcefully pushes the man. “Get out.”

“Alright, alright. I was joking.” Mingyu then gripping on Wonwoo’s hand, not letting it go. The tall man bring him into the bed and sitting themselves there, side by side. “I’m leaving tomorrow night.”

“I know.”

“You can’t say passive thing like that.”

“I’m originally a passive person.”

Mingyu laughs frustratedly, but still, his finger brushing softly through Wonwoo’s knuckles. “Wonwoo, you can’t get involved with me. I’m a mess.”

This is the first time Mingyu blatantly said that to him. That he acknowledge something did happen between them, and it’s not just Wonwoo and his wishful thinking. He acknowledged that the kiss meant something and Wonwoo wasn’t exagerating everything. “Aren’t we all a mess?”

“You’re making it hard for me.”

Mingyu always sound tired and sometimes Wonwoo wanted to slam his head into the wall for not being able to do anything about it. “What do you want me to do, Mingyu? Because it’s confusing. You’re confusing. And i need to know my place in here. She’s gone, okay? And i just didn’t know if i’m being rude by wanting to be there for you when you’re lonely or i’m just clowning myself for all this time. You get to decide where i stand. But for now let’s—let’s not. I got so much on my plate already. I haven’t got a job, okay? And i needed that so badly. My family is miserable enough for puting with my jobless ass and i’m not sure i can’t deal with you as well so let’s—“ Wonwoo paused, closing his eyes before open it again. “_Let’s not_.”

“Alright,” Mingyu exhales deeply, tracing the lines on Wonwoo’s palm. He did that for such a long time, like he doesn’t wanna this moment to end yet. But Wonwoo’s had enough and he thinks if he sees Mingyu’s face any longer than this he’d be crying and begging for him to stay. “Wonwoo?”

He didn’t answer this time. He didn’t even looked up his face.

“My house... After i leave, i will give you the key. You can use that of course, if you need an escape place or something. Promise me you wouldn’t go to the beach alone, okay? I need you to hold the key so i had a reason to comeback, or at least to find you. But right now i need to heal. We both needed it.”

“Okay.”

Mingyu hugs him for quite long after that, burrying him on his chest so tight it almost impossible to escape. But this might be the last time he will ever feel the man’s embrace so he let’s him do whatever that keeps the day a little bit longer.

The next day Mingyu comes over by his house is to give him the key. He didn’t bring much except one big carrier, a smile plastered on his face when he whispers _see you when i see you_ into Wonwoo’s ear. Wonwoo tried to believe into the words, he really do. But he’s a realistic person, he shouldn’t read too much into hopes.

That was the last time he sees Mingyu, before he storms his way into somewhere Wonwoo wouldn’t dare to ask.

Two months later, he got a job at one of the biggest bookstore in town. The pay is more than decent, and the apartment he rented right now is cheaper than the previous one. That means more money for Seulgi and that means enough time for him to breath. Slowly but sure his life starting to fall into its places. He got busy everyday, and by busy he meant he got to be home by night and leave it in the morning. Pretty normal and productive. Splendid. He also got to meet his friends over the weekend, going to Junhui’s favorite bar or karaoke for hours until Wonwoo’s throat got completely soar and he can’t even talk on Monday morning. His manager scolded him for that, but she was a kind one for giving him a ginger tea afterwards.

Seulgi often send him Hanbyul’s picture through the chat. The little princess is now turning into a drama queen by faking her crying everytime his mom didn’t gave her the milk fast enough. Sometimes when he’s too lazy to spend his free time alone, he asked Seulgi to videocalled him just to see it turned into a chaotic mess because so many people tried too talk all at once.

Everything is just how it used to be.

Except everytime he sees a key with a smile keyring hanging by the cabinet in the kitchen, a thought coming to his mind. But again, he tries to not read much into thing. The last time he did that he ended up holding a miserable key thinking it would magicaly appearing the owner in front of his eyes. But his outraging hate towards the man comes because the last words he said to him months ago was that he will call. Regardless the situation, he will call. And Wonwoo believes in that like a foolish himself. But no, not a single call.

So he learns to forget. Without him even realizing, he’s forgeting what it feels like to be touched by the man. He forgot about the salty mouth and the soft lips and he wanted it to stay that way.

Or at least Wonwoo tried to ’cause man, it’s hard to function around another man that isn’t him. And that often made Soonyoung pissed, as the one who constantly arranged him a blind date so his dearest friend (Soonyoung’s word, not him) can at least get laid.

Her mom as usual, is making a big deal out of Hanbyul’s first birthday. And now that they’re finally financially stable after his dad got his retirement money and Seulgi’s husband got a new job, his mom are exagerating everything into a whole new level.

He brought a very large barbie’s house for his princess, got her smiling so wide Wonwoo’s sure her cheeks are hurt. And just like it always be, the entire house turning into a sea of people after each of them hands their gift and waiting for the little princess to open it.

Wonwoo is sitting there silently, thinking about how he learned so much being the part of this family. It’s about being patience, it’s about helping each other, it’s about living in harmony even during the hardest time. He can’t explain how grateful he was.

But he guesses the only surprise today is not only directed towards his niece, as he sees a familiar tall figure standing in the frame of his door. And suddenly all the blood rises to his head. It’s hot, boiled, full of anger. He can’t think, he can’t function, he just wanna snap.

“Oh my God, Mingyu dear! Come, come!” his mom escorting the man into the room but Wonwoo ain’t having it. He needs a target of his anger right here, right now.

“You heartless bastard!” All of them. All of his families including the little nieces that wasn’t supposed to hear that kind of words is now looking at him weirdly.

“Wonwoo!” His mom snaps, eyes getting bigger.

“No mom, do not ‘Wonwoo’ me. And don’t you dare bring him into this house. This bastard promised me to come back, but i haven’t heard of him for almost a year. _A YEAR_, without any decency to call even once. And now he showed up like nothing is wrong, like i didn’t spend the longing night thinking about endless possibilites why he never showed up. We’re so not welcoming him into this house.”

Wonwoo can see his dad’s laughing from the kitchen, not taking the angery very seriously. His mom still deadly mad at him for saying the _B_ word out loud in front of his precious grandchild, and is now send him away from the living room. “You two, get out. You can punch each other, kick each other, curse at each other and then kiss afterwards, i don’t care. But do not. Ever. Do it. In front of my grandchild!”

Yeah, she can’t be pretty scary.

They goes to the beach house after Wonwoo storming into his room to take the key and speedwalking with Mingyu following behind him. The tall man didn’t say anything, probably letting Wonwoo to do anything he wants just so he can stop being mad first. As soon as both of them standing in front of the house, Wonwoo gives the key to the owner.

“Here’s your key. Have a nice day.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Of course, it’s obvious that Mingyu will win this push and pull battle. “You’re mad.”

“I am.”

“Okay... Do i get the chance to explain?”

“I don’t wanna hear—“ Wonwoo looks up and sees the man pouting. This is the first time he take a look at him closely after such a long time. God, it was so long Wonwoo almost forget about this very particular face. Mingyu looks healthy, healtier than the last time they met. It’s like he’s been sleeping for years and woke up being a new person. There are no eyebags under his eyes, no sadness on his features, and weight on his shoulder. It makes half of Wonwoo’s soul flying over the moon. He’s so grateful even by seeing him got much better, and that sucks because he was suppposed to be angry at him. But now he can’t, because apparently he has so much love on the line for this man alone. “You know what? I’m sorry. I’m being a jerk and that has nothing to do with you. I’m not supposed to be saying all those things to you.”

“No, no, hey, listen,” The touch. He remembers it now. It was firm and electritying, and he loves the feeling everytime Mingyu cups his face. “You have every right to be angry. But i get a chance to explain myself too, that’s the only way this thing gonna be work.”

Wonwoo nods, “Okay.”

“I know i said i’ll call you regardless anything, but i can’t. She lives through me and i can’t forget her that easily. I don’t wanna hurt you that way. I needed to be ready and in complete heal. I can’t call you unless i’m healthy enough to be in a new relationship.”

“A new relationship.” Wonwoo blushes, and Mingyu furrowing his eyebrows.

“Didn’t you want that?”

“Well i do! It’s just that when you say it... suddenly it become real.”

Mingyu tilts his head back, groaning. “Why are you so cute?”

“I’m not cute.”

“Yes you are and i’m gonna hug you right now.”

The tall man did. And now Wonwoo remembers the hug. It was deep and warm, and he doesn’t planning on letting go.

“Mingyu?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay now?”

Mingyu tracing Wonwoo’s eyebrows with his thumb. It’s his favorite thing to do at the moment because every single time he did it, Wonwoo will close his eyes and furr like a cat. He melts into the touch. And Wonwoo guesses it’s worth the wait, if Mingyu is going to make him remember every single detail of his favorite affection. They got plenty time to reminincing it anyway.

“I’m okay now.”

[]

**Author's Note:**

> Wonwoo once said in a fansigning that he wanted to experience being a detective who has solved a thousand criminal cases but has severe phobia and i just wanna say Wonwoo, honey, here i give you romance and tragedy instead.
> 
> Anyway, i missed writing so damn bad here pls gladly take my words vomit.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/cikicuba) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/cikicuba)


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